ADDITUDE ADVISORS
Your Relationships
Melissa Orlov solves your problems with spouses and friends.
SHOULD I TELL MY PARENTS THAT THEY HAVE ADHD?
Now that I know about my ADHD, I think that my parents, both in
their 80s, also have it. I wonder if I should bring this to their attention?
Q
Melissa Orlov
is coauthor of a blog
on ADHD and marriage
on
adhdmarriage.com.
She is also the author
of The ADHD Effect
on Marriage
(Specialty Press).
Since they have made do, I wouldn’t bring it to their
attention. At this stage of their lives, they probably
don’t need to make life changes or take ADHD medication. However, if you talk about your ADHD, so that they
understand your life and behaviors better, they may pick
up on their own behaviors. If they do, lend them your
favorite book about ADHD, so they can learn more.
do things because they don’t
know what to do first, or they
are exhausted.
Talk with your husband
to figure out which of these
symptoms might be at play. To
counter procrastination and
distraction, place a noisy alarm
or two on the other side of the
room. If he has trouble sorting
out what to do, write a list of
steps to be followed on a piece
of cardboard, and place it in a
can’t-miss location. If fatigue is
the problem, look into whether
or not he has a sleep disorder,
and work with either a sleep
clinic or an ADHD coach to
help him improve the quality
and amount of shuteye he gets.
Finally, have a calm, nonjudg-mental conversation with him, telling him how important getting the kids to bed is to you and how his lack of
participation upsets you.
Q
Q
IS MY ADHD HUSBAND LAZY?
When I work late at night, I often return
home to find that my ADHD spouse
didn’t put the kids to bed. They’re asleep
on the couch, still dressed. He seems too
lazy to get up, read to them, and get
them under the covers. What do I do?
MY SPOUSE’S FAMILY THINKS
HE’S A GOOFBALL
My husband’s family doesn’t acknow-
ledge his ADHD, and they don’t take him
seriously. How should we handle this?
I hate to hear the word “lazy” applied to someone with
ADHD. Usually, that’s a misinterpretation of one or
more symptoms. Most likely, he has trouble initiating
things (is a procrastinator) or is too distracted (gets lost
in a TV show). In some cases, people with ADHD don’t
I’m glad that you said “we” and understand that the two
of you are in this together. His family should be educated
about the ins and outs of ADHD, to understand how it
affects your husband’s behavior. They should know that
he can’t control his distractibility, poor planning, or in-
ability to remember things.
